If you’re looking to support Marco Rubio’s campaigns, there’s a lot of ways to do it.

You can buy a “Marco polo.”

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You can buy a water bottle that says “Water great nation,” proceeds for which will hopefully go toward hiring staff members that can write better puns.

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You can also, according to The Late Show, “adopt a staffer” for $250, a fact which Stephen Colbert lampooned on last night with a spot-on parody of the old “just 80 cents a day” commercials for the Christian Children’s Fund.

“Hello, I’m Stephen Colbert,” he begins. “As I speak, Rubio campaign staffers are digging through garbage looking for used coffee filters to turn into tacos. These staffers work 80 hours a week, and use wet paper towels to take a bum shower in the bathroom of an Iowa Dunkin’ Donuts.”

“But for just $250 a day, the price of a cup of coffee every 11 minutes,” he continues. “Which is less than they drink — you can send these staffers the help they so desperately need to keep going.”

Then, in a trick pioneered by pet adoption commercials, Colbert brings out an adorable impoverished orphan.

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Tyler is a staffer for former Texas Governor Rick Perry’s now-defunct presidential campaign, who, according to Colbert, will have to be put down.

“I went to Harvard!” Tyler cries. “Shh, shh,” Colbert replies. “None of that matters now.”

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As luck would have it, that poor Perry staffer actually is a Harvard grad. Tyler Hall isn’t really a Rubio staffer, of course: he does work for The Late Show as a researcher, occasional joke contributor, and apparently as a baby-faced junior-level GOP campaign employee stand-in.

Check out the entire clip below.