Every year, Oscar red carpet interviews center around hard-hitting questions like “what are you wearing” (a dress) “who are you wearing?” (a designer most people have never heard of) or “how long did it take you to get ready?” (seriously, why does it matter?).
Here’s a list of suggested questions for Sunday’s proceedings. Take notes, Giuliana Rancic!
– Felicity Jones, if you could have any of your fellow nominees write an acceptance speech for you, who would you least want to do it?
– Clint Eastwood, how many pairs of spanx are you wearing?
– Patricia Arquette, the scene in which you send Mason off to college made me cry. When’s the last time in your personal life that you cried, and why?
– Steve Carell, at least three other Oscars have been awarded to actors/actresses who wore prosthetic noses. Can you tell us what it was like to sneeze?
– Robert Duval, would you consider The Judge to be your big break?
– Julianne Moore, would you rather trade careers with– Julianne Hough or Mandy Moore?
– Reese Witherspoon, tell us what you’re wearing tonight? No sorry, I meant deodorant.
– Ethan Hawke, what is your greatest regret in life?
– Emma Stone, a clip of your audition for In Search of the Partridge Family recently surfaced. If you were to re-audition now, what song would you sing? Additionally, would you say you’re more of a child or a mother?
– Kiera Knightley, congratulations on your pregnancy! Are you going to let it be a surprise, or are you going to find out if it’s a human?
– Benedict Cumberbatch, congrats on your recent marriage to the very talented Sophie Hunter! Now, if she decides to leave you, would you say she’ll be uninCUMBered?
– Bradley Cooper, you said in an interview with CBS that you take the subway to work. What are your thoughts on Baker’s symbolic T ride?
– Richard Linklater, would you say your pre-show ritual gravitates more toward the ancient Egyptian or ancient Japanese traditions?
– J.K. Simmons, are you aware that when you laugh, you’re J.K. LOLing?
– Meryl Streep, was it difficult to find a backup date after Vanilla Ice’s arrest?
– Edward Norton, be honest, Iñárritu is kind of a jerk, isn’t he?