We’ve made history here at The Knuckles.
Thanks to the actions of renowned soccer supervillain Luis Suarez during yesterday’s World Cup match between Uruguay and Italy, we have an example of knuckleheadedness so egregious, so outrageous and so over the top that it rendered all other nominees and potential winners of a Knuckle Award this past week obsolete. Suarez took the act of being a knucklehead to a new, heretofore unforeseen level, the likes of which we may never see again (at least until the next time he takes the field). So with that, let’s not waste any more time. Here’s the first ever Knuckle Awards clean sweep.
|BRONZE, SILVER AND GOLD – Luis Suarez|
Uruguay, needing a win to advance out of Group D and into the knockout stage, faced Italy, which also needed a win in order to stave off elimination from group play for the second straight World Cup. The game, played in Natal, was a must-win for both countries.
Instead, what should have been a contest fraught with suspense and tension over which country would move on turned into something of a freakshow thanks to the exploits of Suarez, the serial knucklehead.
Naturally, Suarez was not disciplined for his actions. Chiellini even showed the referees the teeth marks embedded in his skin, but Suarez still skated. And then as if the bite was just the rallying cry the rest of Uruguay’s roster needed, defender Diego Godin finished a well placed corner kick not even two minutes later for a 1-0 lead. The game would end in that score, the Uruguayans moving on and the Azzurri headed home.
Suarez, who plays club ball for Liverpool of the English Premier League, has something of a reputation in world soccer. You see, he’s a bit of… well, a jerk (hey, The Knuckles are a family award show). Yesterday wasn’t the first time he bit an opponent during a game. Nor was it the second. For Suarez, who must have some very fond, deep seeded memories of teething as a small child, this was his third biting incident. He was suspended for the first two, one of which happened while he was in the employ of Dutch club Ajax and the other with Liverpool. Let’s hope he’s forced to sit out at least Uruguay’s Round of 16 match, to be played Saturday against Colombia.
The most entertaining aspect of Suarez’s most recent knucklehead moment is how unsurprising it was worldwide. Bets were placed on him biting someone, anyone. Famous bite victims spoke out. Big time brands called him out on Twitter.
Hola @luis16suarez, si te quedaste con hambre vení a darle un mordisco a una BigMac 😉
— McDonald's Uruguay (@McDonalds_Uy) June 24, 2014
If ever an additional testament to soccer being the world’s game was necessary, this absurd yet wholly predictable occurrence did the trick.
So take heart, Luis Suarez. You’re not just Liverpool’s knucklehead. And you’re not just Uruguay’s knucklehead. You’re the world’s knucklehead.
Stand tall. But keep your incisors to yourself.