I’ve been feeling stuck in a rut lately, so I did the classic girl thing and cut off a lot of hair. We’re talking halfway down my back to now barely covering my ears. Since I did it, about a month ago, my boyfriend hasn’t seemed interested in sex. I finally managed to get out of him that he’s just not as attracted to me with my “boy” hair. We got in a fight, and I told him what I thought: that he’s a sexist asshole. Should I dump him?
-Time For Another Change?
That depends: is your relationship as shallow as you sound?
If so, do it. Get rid of him like last week’s fish. Or in your case, last month’s hairstyle.
Here’s the thing: I’m pro-radical haircuts. They make you feel more interesting and exciting, and even if they’re terrible, it’s just hair: you get a do-over soon enough.
But just because you like what you did doesn’t mean everyone else in your life has to like it, too.
You and your boyfriend got, and stayed, together for a host of reasons (I hope), but one of the biggies was probably attraction.
Maybe he never said it before (maybe he never even knew until now), but it sounds like one of the elements of that attraction for him was your lovely locks. You didn’t ask him before you did it, presumably, and afterwards, you basically grilled him until he gave up the intel: he just isn’t as into girls with sassy short dos. That might not be what you wanted to hear, but you don’t have the right to get angry that he told you the truth, after you pressed, and (again, presumably, since you didn’t say otherwise) didn’t try to use it hurtfully.
Yeah, he called it “boy hair,” but I have a feeling that MIGHT have been provoked slightly. Call it a hunch.
That doesn’t mean you should stay together; it sounds like you two aren’t particularly good at talking to one another (see: you never told him your plan; he never told you how it made him feel; you jump straight to “you’re a pig” when he doesn’t dig your fashion choices…), like his attraction for you may only be strand-deep, and like maybe YOUR reasons for keeping HIM around are pretty self-serving.
A healthy relationship isn’t just agreeing with everything you do (or even being attracted to it). Dump him if you want, but in the meantime, work on another drastic makeover: to your expectations of what a partner “owes” you.
