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takemyadvice
My sister manipulated my parents. I resent them for giving in.
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My parents agreed to help my sister and I with college. I went to a state school and saved them a bunch of money. My sister went to a private liberal arts school that cost three times as much. Now she’s dropping out, and she’s convinced my parents to give her the equivalent of her last year of tuition as a “nest egg,” since they “would have spent that money on her anyway.” I think that’s completely unfair, and I resent my sister for manipulating my parents and them for giving in. How can I get over those feelings? I always play by the rules, and I feel like I’m being punished for it.

-THE GOOD SON

There’s a reason parents love falling back on that phrase, “You think this isn’t fair? Well life isn’t fair.” It’s because they’re right.

If you want to tally up what your parents have done for you versus your sister in dollars and cents, you’re right, they’re being “unfair” to you. But the other side of this coin is that you’re clearly more capable of navigating the world on your own than your sister is.

Just look at the facts: You chose college responsibly, while she went somewhere expensive though she clearly didn’t value that. You finished your education and are moving on to the next phase of life, she’s dropping out. You clearly have your shit together in ways she doesn’t yet, but also in ways she may never achieve.

In a cosmic way, your sister might be the one who got the short end of the stick; maybe because of her wiring, or maybe because your parents indulged her, she’s not nearly as capable and successful as you are.

If anything, that’s not something you should resent her for, it’s something you should feel lucky about.

Try seeing this problem not in the light of money, but in the light of your parents loving their children no matter what. Your sister needs help right now, and they’re in a position to provide it. They’re choosing to do so because they don’t want her to wind up in a bad place.

You don’t need their help right now, and I’d wager anything they’re extremely proud of you for that.

If you really can’t get over the money, why not go to your parents with a “responsible child” proposal: Ask if you can use a similar “gifted” sum towards a down payment (now or in the future) or further education. If they say no, tell them how you feel: You’d like to be rewarded for your good choices, and instead it feels like your sister is being rewarded for bad ones.

Or, better yet, stop focusing on the dollar amounts your parents can give you, and try to pay closer attention to the sort of support that really matters, the kind that made you the “good son” in the first place.

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takemyadvice1001
The Bachelorette Strayed; Should She Tell the Fiance?
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One of my close college friends is about to get married to a mutual friend of ours–they’ve been dating since our junior year. Recently, we threw her a bachelorette party in New Orleans. She had her own room at the hotel, but the first night we went out I got ready with her, so things would move faster. After a wild night of drinks and dancing, we all stumbled home, and I realized ten or fifteen minutes later that I’d left some of my toiletries in her room.

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illy37
What to Do With a Crappy Parent
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I work part-time as a nanny for a 9-year-old boy. Recently, at school, he had an accident (I think he might have had mild food-poisoning). The office called his mom at work, and when I showed up to get him, she was already home with the kid–let’s call him Eric–getting ready to head out to buy new clothes and shoes (it was that kind of accident). More

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illy1
He’s Got His Dream Job, Now I’m Living a Nightmare
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My boyfriend had been looking for a job for months and was offered an awesome-paying position.  But he would have been working 6 a.m.-6 p.m. 4+ days/week. Instead of taking it, he bought into his friend’s business selling game cards. We have no real monetary cushion so I took the first job offered (food-service) hoping to support us and our 5 children. More

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Does a Reaction to a TV Show Prove That My Boyfriend Is a Misogynist?
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I know this is dumb, but recently I was watching an episode of Scandal with my boyfriend, and like in almost every episode, there was a half-forced makeout session. Those always annoy me, and I said something along the lines of “man, this show really does its best to perpetuate the idea that every woman has rape fantasies.” My boyfriend told me I was overreacting and we got in a big argument about it. He finally conceded that the president comes off as a douche, but he wouldn’t agree with me that the show is, in a lot of ways, anti-feminist. I know, this is a stupid fight about a stupid soap opera, but it made me wonder how he views women. Am I overreacting…twice? Or is my boyfriend a misogynist and he just doesn’t know it? More

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takemyadvice
Can Romance Heat Up If We’re Political Polar Opposites?
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I’ve been doing online dating and I met a guy I really like. Everything clicked, we made each other laugh constantly, and we immediately set up another date. It went really well, too, until about halfway through the dinner. Long story short, he doesn’t believe in manmade global warming. Let’s just say I do. A lot. My guess is that politically, we don’t see eye to eye (I tried to just change the subject), but otherwise I really, really like him. We have a lot of chemistry, he’s very intelligent, and…well, I like him. Do I cut this off now, though? I’m not sure I could date someone with totally different beliefs than mine.  More

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Take My Advice: I Wanted the Wedding, But Now I’m Not So Sure
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I’m in my mid-twenties, and in the last couple years it feels like every single one of my friends got married. I guess it made me worry that my relationship wasn’t going anywhere, and I kinda pressured my boyfriend into popping the question. Now the wedding is a couple months away and I’m starting to worry I made a huge mistake. I’m always picking fights with him, and I’m starting to feel really attracted to one of my coworkers. Is this just cold feet? I still care about my boyfriend, I think, but the closer we get, the less certain I feel. More

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Take My Advice: He’s Divorcing Me Because I Got Fat
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A couple years ago, I went through a rough patch–my sister passed away suddenly, and I became very depressed for several months. By the time I came out of it, I’d put on upwards of 50 pounds. I’ve never been able to get it off; sometimes I’ll lose 10 or 15 pounds, but then it creeps back on, and I wind up heavier than where I started. More

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Take My Advice: How Do I React to a Tinder Date Who Has Roving Eyes?
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I didn’t have a date for New Year’s, so I went on Tinder and matched up with a guy. He met me at my friend’s party. At first it was fine–being at a party got rid of some of the Tinder-date awkwardness–but then he started getting really flirty…with everyone but me. I thought we were really hitting it off, but the way he acted made me wonder if I was just kidding myself. Should I ask him on another date without people around? Maybe he’s just a friendly guy.  More