Bad movies are a liberating thing – they remind us that no matter how inherently lame that short film intended to “reveal truths about the here and the now” you made in college was, there is something worse that cost way more money out there.
Good movies are an exciting thing, because someone needs to be the yardstick for this kind of thing.
As of this morning, the nominations for both of the Oscars and the Razzies have been announced, with a few surprises. Here are the rules – three are real, once isn’t. No peeking.
1) WORST PICTURE: “I, Frankenstein,” “The Interview,” “A Million Ways to Die in the West,” “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters”
2) BEST PICTURE: “Selma,” “Boyhood,” “Inherent Vice,” “The Theory of Everything”
3) WORST ACTOR: Seth Rogen in “The Interview,” James Franco in “The Interview,” Randall Park in “The Interview,” Nicolas Cage in “Left Behind”
4) BEST ACTOR: Eddie Redmayne in “The Theory of Everything,” Steve Carrell in “Foxcatcher,”David Oyelowo in “Selma,” Michael Keaton in “Birdman”
5) WORST ACTRESS: Cameron Diaz in “The Counselor,” Charlize Theron in “A Million Ways to Die in the West,” Drew Barrymore in “Blended,” Cameron Diaz in “Sex Tape”
6) BEST ACTRESS: Rosamund Pike in “Gone Girl,” Jennifer Aniston in “Cake,” Reese Witherspoon in “Wild,” Felicity Jones in “The Theory of Everything”
7) WORST DIRECTOR: Stuart Beattie for “I, Frankenstein,” Seth MacFarlane for “A Million Ways to Die in the West,” Darren Aronofsky for “Noah,” Michael Bay for “Transformers 4”
8) BEST DIRECTOR: Clint Eastwood for “American Sniper,” Wes Anderson for “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” Mortem Tyldum for “The Imitation Game,” Bennett Miller for “Foxcatcher”
Please scroll past these .gifs of Leonardo DiCaprio repeatedly not winning Oscars for the answers!
1) “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” is the snub here. The Norweigian B-movie may have seemed like bait, but the rampant mediocrity of films like “Transformers 4” and “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas” overshadowed even this hack effort.
2) “Inherent Vice” – maybe it’s the literary hubris of Thomas Pynchon or the directorial hubris of Paul Thomas Anderson, but the lines got tied somewhere in this extremely dense film with solid performances but an ultimately baffling plot. It was fun watching the old white couple in front of me at the theater pretend to understand it, though.
3) Randall Park somehow evaded the Razzies with his performance as Kim Jong Un, but he may not be able to escape dirty looks for the next decade of his life.
4) If you haven’t read the million think pieces already in existence about this snub, the leading man of “Selma” was snubbed for Best Actor…on MLK’s birthday, no less.
5) Cameron Diaz was double nominated for a truly atrocious year of work, but not for “The Counselor” (a forgettable Ridley Scott joint) – “The Other Woman” was her second nomination.
6) Jennifer Aniston didn’t make it to the Oscar list in spite of a Golden Globes nod, but was able to snag a Razzie nom for her phone-it-in sexist schmaltz in “Horrible Bosses 2.”
7) There are snubs, and then there are “I, Frankenstein” snubs. “I, Frankenstein” isn’t just a bad movie, it’s the worst bad movie. There are rhinestones as props, a central plot that relies on a hot scientist falling in love with a charisma-less dead science experiment who hates gargoyles, and has Bill Nighy shouting “I am a demon prince!” Stuart Beattie, you are the worst and don’t let the man tell you otherwise.
Don’t sweat it, guys – you’ll still have the same potential to succeed or suck next year.
