Don’t be alarmed: those bare lower extremities you’re seeing are called “legs.” That’s right, spring is finally sort of almost here, and people are no longer dressed for the Siberian wilderness. This weekend, as you run from roof deck to beer garden twirling and skipping, remember your good old cheat sheet of conversation topics ranging from Tea Party hush money to Snapchat’s not-so-disappearing nudie pics. After all, you can only ride “nice weather we’re having” for so long.
A former employee is suing the Ford Motor Company, claiming that her bosses fired her because she requested to telecommute due to irritable bowel syndrome. Possible fall out from the case: telecommuter rights, employers reconsidering the benefits of office space, everyone knowing that this woman has irritable bowel syndrome.
Your weekly bar discussion question is pulled from the headline in our very own Globe Magazine: “What will a Green Line extension do to Somerville?” (The short answer: gentrify the hell out of it.)
A driver who appeared to have a passenger with a wispy mustache and enviable eyelashes was pulled over by Quincy Police, because escorting a mannequin head across town does not give you license to drive in the carpool lane, even if the dead-eyed passenger does look like Mr. Clean’s gender-questioning younger brother.
Boston’s Nigerian community held a rally Thursday in honor of the 276 Nigerian women kidnapped by the Islamic extremist group Boko Haram. The act has been condemned not only by the international community, but also by jihadists and even Al Qaeda. How often do you hear about Al freaking Qaeda saying, “whoa, that’s extreme”?
Keytar Bear, the most lovable anthropomorphic fuzzy creature in the Greater Boston Area (sorry, Wally), is on medical leave, after he was attacked twice (possibly by the same asshole) while performing. According to Mr. Bear, his instrument was damaged and his nose was broken. Fundraisers have been started in his honor, and we can only hope this means he’ll return soon. Not only has the city been robbed of a talented musician, but a great dancer as well.
GOP party leaders and Tea Party candidate Mark Fisher are squabbling about whether the party tried to bribe Fisher with $1 million or whether he demanded that amount as a settlement to his superior court lawsuit. Fisher claims party leaders cheated him out of his primary candidacy by purposefully miscalculating delegate votes at the state’s Republican convention. A Tea Party candidate pissing off the establishment?! Who would’ve thought?!!
Neko Case is officially an honorary Bostonian. She paid a recent Boston parking ticket with the comment, “Eat me.” She’s a natural at New England aggression!
Snapchat, the free service for discreet and discerning dick and boobie pic senders, offered a settlement for federal charges that it lied to users by promising that pictures “disappear forever” after the recipient views a message for ten seconds of laughter/furious masturbation. It turns out that message recipients can download third party apps that let them hold onto the images/videos “forever.” Your topical pick up line of the week: “If you show me yours, I’ll show you … that I don’t have a third party app on my iPhone.”
[Photo Credit: Life Full of People]