Considering it’s Valentine’s weekend, you figure Netflix would get its act together and put some more romantic options on its streaming library. Instead, we have a new season of streaming television’s equivalent of crack and some movie about creepy spirits that steal little children’s teeth.
“House of Cards” season 2 (2014)
Remember that time you got a hold of the Season 1 and 2 DVDs of “Lost”? Next thing you knew it was four days later, you hadn’t showered, your eyes were glassy, and you were nervously twitching and scratching your neck. If you’re looking for a reason to go down that black hole again, Season 2 of “House of Cards,” the show that everyone is talking about and no network was smart enough to pick up, is streaming on Netflix
. See you in a week, half of America.
Do you think Rachel McAdams is dreamy? Good, because that might be the only reason to watch “Passion” (not to be confused with “The Passion of the Christ”). “Passion” is only slightly as sexy as it sounds though. It’s mostly about a woman’s quest for power in the world of international business, and the dirty work that she does along the way.
Jeremy Renner and Dallas Roberts are just two easy-going dudes trying to find something to invent so that they’ll be set for life and won’t have to do anything anymore. When they come up with a brilliant idea for a dog watch (really?), it is stolen from them by some scumbag salesman. Looking debt right in the face, the two men are forced to think of another genius invention before it’s too late.
Olympia Dukakis and Brenda Fricker (the actress who played the creepy Pigeon Lady in “Home Alone 2”) are aging lesbian lovers who escape from a nursing home. One is blind, and the other is deaf, so this film basically has the potential to be either really funny or truly depressing. Luckily, they went with the former, and it seemed to have worked, as critics gave the film favorable reviews.
Remember that cute little girl from “Little Miss Sunshine” who America rallied behind because she was so lovable and went against the pressures of American stereotypes? She’s now disturbed young woman in “Haunter” who discovers that the house she lives in was once occupied by a serial killer who would kidnap teenage girls and burn their remains in the furnace room.
“Were The World Mine” (2013)
Timothy is gay and mighty proud of it, but unfortunately most of his classmates at his stuck-up private school don’t feel the same way, especially Jonathon, a straight boy whom Timothy has a crush on. When Timothy is cast as Puck in the school’s production of “A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” he tries to replicate the love potion concocted by the character. For some reason, it works, and he sprays Jonathon with it. Unfortunately, it gets loose to everyone in the school and the kids become all horny and stuff.
“The Haunting of Helena” (2013)
Nothing is scarier than the tooth fairy. But seriously, if you actually think about it, that shit’s pretty creepy. This horror film is loosely based on the tooth fairy, but goes further when a little girl starts collecting her classmates’ teeth and her mom does whatever she can to make sure that her daughter doesn’t completely lose it.