Boston is for lovers. Well, so is Paris. And all of Virginia. I don’t know – apparently people fall in love all over the place. I’m not convinced. Furthermore, they say summer is for lovers (or was it spring?), but does anyone actually want to touch another person right now? I digress – really, movies are for lovers and this is indisputable. Specifically, it’s time to find ways to force our prospects for love (or friends that cuddle) to accompany us to a place where we can sit in silence, not be hot, and pretend to be interacting.
This month, our local cinemas host special treats for the young and star-crossed. For the more conservative, the MFA presents The 19th Annual Boston French Film Festival. Maybe my taste doesn’t quite match up to yours, but there is a slew of other cinematic gems to get you out of the sun and into the company of the person you dig:
|WILL THE REAL ‘FIFTY SHADES OF GRAY’ PLEASE STAND UP?|
DIR. Roman Polanski
Starting July 11th, 2014 at Kendall Square Cinema
Don’t you hate when you’re watching a movie and the person you’re sitting with keeps stroking your hand and it’s getting a little distracting? But you also love it, don’t you? That’s why I’m excited for the Kendall hosting this adaptation of a play adapting a book that was “Fifty Shades of Gray” long before that was even a thing. What else would you expect from Roman Polanski’s attempt at making a movie in the style of Wes Anderson (N.B. the detailed sets and colorful font used in the trailer)?
APPEALS TO: Kink enthusiasts, theatre nerds, and overly intellectualized men (i.e. f*** boys).
|HUMANS SUCK, OR WHY I WON’T TELL YOU I’M IN LOVE|
DIR. Buster Keaton
July 13th, 2014 – 12:00PM & 4:30PM
“Intolerance” (1916) [170 min.]
DIR. D.W. Griffith
July 13th, 2014 – 1:15PM & 6:00PM
DOUBLE FEATURE at Brattle Theatre
Struggling to come up with something to say to your crush? Even better than being quiet in the movie theatre is that special form of not talking that one experiences only at silent films. Please your cineaste lover by shutting up – this double feature is sure to make you laugh and cringe.
APPEALS TO: Historic re-enactment buffs, people with little to say, and those who say, “back in the good old days,” with no context.
|NUN-SPLOITATION MAKES YOU SCREAM, “OH GOD!”|
DIR. Ken Russell
July 18th & 19th – 11:59PM at Coolidge Corner Theatre
In the past couple of years, I’ve gotten into the horrible habit of watching films with romantic interests that make both of us never want to touch another person ever again. Provocateur and director Ken Russell embodies this subset of cinema with a flourish that surely inspired the likes of Lars von Trier and David Cronenberg. As part of their renowned “After Midnite” series, the Coolidge is screening Russell’s “The Devils” in beautiful (might be the wrong word) 35mm. Based on an Aldous Huxley book, the film will not only shake your faith in God and humanity, but also rapidly shift your sexuality to “no thanks.”
APPEALS TO: Theologians, the morally depraved, and teenagers who discovered philosophy under the influence of hallucinogens.
|‘M’ IS FOR MAKING OUT|
DIR. Fritz Lang
July 25th – 7:00PM at Harvard Film Archive
For the most stalwart of film buffs, the HFA provides the much needed service of screening masterpieces of cinema both old and new. On the 18th, they begin a complete retrospective of German wunderkind Fritz Lang scheduled to end in September. There is no better way to get to know this director than by watching his self-proclaimed best work – “M.” Oh, and it’s about a serial killer in Berlin who exclusively targets young children.
APPEALS TO: Law students, psychologists, future businessmen, and other criminals-in-training.