I Spilled Coke On My Laptop and Now Everyone Loves Me

Are you the brunt of Internet bullying? I was too, but now, thanks to the Coca Cola Corporation, I am Free.

Coca Cola aired a commercial with a deceptively simple solution during the Super Bowl last night (spoilers ahead!) in which anyone who poured their product on a computer was freed from Internet bullying forever. I was skeptical – could it be true? I’m here to confirm, and my brother and father can, too. Spill Coca Cola on your keyboard and…

I know what you’re thinking – now everyone hates me and my computer is broken! As it turns out, this is an unequivocal disaster and I have nothing.

My brother is telling me through tears that he’s sure all these zeros and ones mean that we are loved in some weird computer language. Perhaps he is right. “Error” and “blank gray screen” and “guttural noise coming from hard drive” could just be this beautiful, top of the line machine’s way of telling me that I am important and that all the rumors Donna who sits next to me spreads are not true. 

Thanks for the reminder that, barring a can of soda, I am completely alone. Life is beautiful.

Update: Someone please send my father a new computer, he needs it to work, and without it we will starve.

Update to Update: Still lovin’ this Coke though!

Update to “Update to Update”: But in all seriousness, this will be my last Coke if we don’t get a new laptop.