COMMENTARY
Ending it can be tough. But millennials know how to deal.
It’s okay to cry sometimes.
While some of us are taught to suppress our emotions, there’s no question that letting it out every once in a while can only do a person good. Someone hurt your feelings? Find a private place, let it all out, and return to life with an airtight plan.
Your twenties are all about you.
You. You. No one can touch you! You’re gonna live forever.
Birds?
Birds, totally, yes.
Love your body.
You are a finely tuned machine. You are speed. You are agility. With the right amount of CrossFit, you could probably kill someone with your hands.
Don’t waste your time with drama.
Wasting your time on drama with friends is a timesuck, especially when those friends are being accusatory and mean. They should spend less time sending judgmental texts, and more time looking over their shoulders.
Always take risks.
You could commit a murder.
Take more photos.
You can snap a high-res picture of yourself holding a bouquet of pastel balloons on a set of train tracks. Caption it with something like, “Love the skin you’re in!” Then, link to an article about an unsolved murder in your area. You’re good to go.
Remove toxic people from your life.
Time is precious.
You want to be quick to wish people a happy birthday, and quicker still to post condolences when a young man mysteriously disappears.
Don’t let the opinions of others define you.
The only reason the prosecutor’s office has designated you as a “person of interest” is because you are interesting.
Birds???
Birds!
Get really involved in a social cause.
Volunteer work is rewarding, and a good potential alibi.
Surround yourself with good people.
Nuns. Kindergarten teachers. Surround yourself with them, at all times. They cast away suspicion.
No one should be able to see you when you walk down the street, so surrounded are you by nuns.
Listen to your mother.
It turns out she was right all along: if someone hurts you, move on, and ensure that they cannot. She is wise and wrinkly, like a waiting room copy of the New Yorker.
Stop calling yourself “dumb.”
Yes, you should’ve been more careful getting rid of certain things, but you won’t be able to learn from your mistakes if you constantly beat yourself up over them.
Laugh.
Even when it isn’t appropriate. Especially when it isn’t appropriate.
Live your best life.
If you’re not taking a photograph of yourself every day in the same spot and cutting them together at the end of every calendar year, you’re not living your best life. And if they use it as later on as evidence of narcissistic behavior? So what. You were alive.
LIVE IN THE MOMENT.
That thing you hit with your car? It’s in the rearview now. Forge ahead.
Do not stop your car.
Live by this quote: “We are all of us stars, and we deserve to twinkle.”
And if other stars don’t understand that, then they must be extinguished.
BIRDS???
He loved birds!
