You would think given the school’s prestige, the gentlemen of Harvard University would settle their disputes via a round of Socratic dialogue, or perhaps a quick rowing session with the six-man crew team of their choice.
But it appears that much like roommates who won’t do their dishes or coworkers who keep eating your yogurt even though it’s clearly labeled, the preferred way to deal with a Crimson man who has stepped out of bounds is via a lengthy, expletive-filled reply-all email rant.
A tipster forwarded the aforementioned lengthy email to Deadspin, in which a resident of Harvard’s Currier House (known on campus for throwing awesome parties) spends almost 2,000 words eviscerating a sophomore named Tyler. Tyler’s crime? Snidely emailing the Currier Underground (an email list-serv for undergrads who live in Currier) saying the dorm (and particularly the ten-person suite in which the email ranter lives) hadn’t lived up to its party-hearty reputation.
While Harvard administrators have remained mostly silent on the issue, an email from another dorm’s leading official, Mather House Dean Luke Leafgren, addressed the email in a message to Mather House students, according to the Harvard Crimson.
Leafgren called the email “so obviously inappropriate and a violation of our community’s standards” and said “[s]uch harms can have disciplinary consequences at Harvard” and “legal consequences beyond,” also adding that the university was investigating the incident.
The Crimson also said that both the student who sent the 1,700-word email and Tyler, the recipient of the email (an active member of the Crimson staff), declined comment to the publication.
You can read the entire email over at Deadspin, but here are some highlights:
Tyler, I am personally asking you to, next time, privately ask us why we are not currently hosting, instead of assuming things. […] Consider yourself uninvited for now. Maybe you can throw a party and show us how it is done, because you apparently have nothing better to do on a Saturday night at 2AM, besides cry on Currier Underground – because evidently, you had no party to go to last night, and unfortunately, will have even less in the future.
Tyler, we apologize. To show our sincerity, the next party theme we host will be in your honor: “bad hair sTylers,” where everyone comes to the party with shitty hair because they can’t handle alcohol and passed out drunk before the party, and also just have an overall shitty sTyle – kind of like you. Everyone except Tyler is invited. *Lyke dis if you cry evry thyme 4 Ty13r!*
Everyone, please feel free to tell Mr. Bukakke [redacted], “Thank You, for convincing the TenMan to throw parties again.” But first we should let him nap, because he is a “Connoisseur of naps,” according to his twitter. […] Looks like the Phillips Academy prep school kid learned no social skills there. At least your parents have the excuse that you were at boarding school, so they had no time to teach you common sense when it comes to being understanding and having manners. Yale, Stanford, UPenn, U Chicago U Michigan, Notre Dame, Indy U, and Georgetown have been spared of a disgrace of a human being.
Money can buy your way to prep school and Harvard, but apparently does a few things to your sense of entitlement and ego. […] So until you are able to throw daddy’s money into parties, you’ll need to know that sometimes, frequency is out of your control. You are probably blessed with enough money to throw into parties all the time – so maybe that’s why it’s easy to say “Thought that was a party suite? EOM”.
So maybe you can give us some money to fund a party next month? Or maybe you can use it to bribe the house administration so we can start partying this week. Or maybe you can just look at it and use it to check your damn privilege and shove it up your ass, wipe your remaining pride away and flush it down the poor toilet that has to touch your filthy ass to water the trees that are cursed with having to produce oxygen for you.
Wanna come clean our room after a party with several hundred people passing through? (Just to give you an idea, we went through over 500 cups during Harvard Yale) Have you ever cleaned – or have people just done it for you? Cause that doesn’t happen in our room – we have to clean. If you are willing to clean and cover the cost, we will gladly throw a party every week. I’d also like to see the prep school kid kick someone out of a party or handle a situation where shit hits the fan. Piss the fuck off, man.
How dare you have the nerve to say such dumb comments while being in your extremely naive position. Do you have any fucking idea how that makes people feel? More importantly, do you have any clue how dumb that makes you look? How entitled do you feel when you say shit like that? You’re not even 21, you can’t even legally consume alcohol…like wut? Be a bit more humbled when you need to be and don’t say shit that shows off how arrogant you are. Be a bit more appreciative in life sometimes. The hours the tenman gives up in voluntarily working our parties so ungrateful shit like you can have a good time is evidently not worth it.
Sorry for not throwing a party this weekend, bruh. It’s not like you were going to get lucky anyway. Any person willing to have sex with you is just too lazy to rub one out.
RIP Tyler, 1995-2015. He thought this was a party house.