Imagine there’s two Lennons. It’s easy if you try.

Well, that is according NME, who today reported that Dr. Michael Zuk, a psychotic and technologically mislead dentist from Alberta, Canada, plans to clone the late Beatles singer from tooth DNA and raise him as a son.

Zuk purchased the tooth in question for a paltry sum of $33,000 two years ago as part of his plan to – and this is an actual quote that a highly functioning member of society – “own John Lennon’s DNA.” “He could be looked at as my son,” the creepily hopeful Zuk told a local British television station, “He would still be his exact duplicate but you know, hopefully keep him away from drugs and cigarettes, that kind of thing.”

Imagine telling 11-year-old John Lennon he has to take out the trash before bed? That indignant brat wrote “Blackbird”! Also, the Oedipal relationship between John 2.0 and the still-living Yoko Ono is disturbing enough to curdle milk.

This sort of fanboy mad scientistry has a surprisingly large Internet following, despite the fact that Zuk openly concedes that cloning technology has not yet advanced to the point where you can genetically replicate musical icons and wantonly distort their legacy for fun. Though this story originally broke nearly a year ago, as of press time, Zuk has not commented on how cartoonishly fucked up his plans are.