twitter chatter
Kevin Slane

Governor Charlie Baker declared a state of emergency and instituted a travel ban for Massachusetts early yesterday in preparation for Blizzard Juno. Or at least that’s the official reason. But whispers from the State House suggest a much more terrifying reason for confining people to their homes: a Yeti is on the loose.

The monstrous truth was revealed by the Twitter account Boston Yeti 2015, which suspiciously started tweeting mere hours before the travel ban was put into effect. Coincidence? You be the judge.

Soon the Yeti was spotted lurching toward McGrath Highway in Somerville, searching for small animals to feast on, or possibly to hail a cab.

With this bloodthirsty abomination on the loose, it was no wonder Governor Baker had advised people to stay inside. If he’s anything like his cousin the Sasquatch, the Boston Yeti is prone to violent mood swings and an insatiable lust for beef jerky.

But then something odd happened. The Yeti tweeted out a message telling residents not that he would grind their bones to make his bread, but that he wanted them to be safe.

Could it be that this Yeti is no monster, but simply a Somerville or Cambridge resident having a bit of fun before the blizzard hit? His brother-in-law the Abominable Snowman was seen walking his dog in Wisconsin like an average Joe just last month.

We may never know the true identity of the Boston Yeti, but we do know that the Yeti is claiming responsibility for school closings statewide, making himself a hero for children across the Bay State.


[Boston Yeti]