Boston tweeters are chirping about ice cream even in the dead of winter. Graeter’s of Cincinnati, Ohio (a.k.a. “The Nasty Natty”) recently hit shelves at Whole Foods around Boston, leading folks to freak out that they can now pig out like Oprah.
Prior to Whole Foods stocking the righteous shit, an hour-long trek to holy-what-the-fuck-expensive Fresh Market in Hingham preceded any blissful consumption of the signature Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip (or Mint Chocolate Chip, if fruit’s not really your jam). The company uses so-called “French pot” witchcraft that slowly makes only two gallons at a time, yielding velvety flavored creams that aren’t too sweet and huge chocolate chunks that miraculously stay soft even when frozen. Truthfully, those soft chunks could make an atheist into a believer.
In the summer time while shopping for a cone, my loyalty lies with JP Licks. Anything else closely resembles rooting against the Red Sox. But listen, denouncing the advice of Oprah Winfrey and her “spiritual” buddy Stedman Graham (both of whom named the Cincinnati cream their favorite) just feels irresponsible.
Currently, Whole Foods is only offering four flavors, including the famed Black Raspberry Chocolate Chip. But if trips to Hingham are your thing, well, let’s just say I spent $60 on ice cream and didn’t repeat any flavors. You can also order online and get the stuff shipped on dry ice, just like Bill Clinton, who is reported to do just that.
Now repeat after me: Eating ice cream in the winter is the only way the Commonwealth will break out of its pathetically paltry fourth seed in nationwide ice cream eating. Ready, GO!
