Anyone who has spent a fair amount of time online dating knows your greatest ally in the field is your bartender. They can provide a pep talk if you arrive early. And another if the night ends up a bust. Also, they control the flow of liquor.

But what do they really think of your date as an uninvolved third party? Well, kind of a lot.

The Daily Share interviewed New York bartenders about their voyeuristic opinions of your first dates, and just as you suspected: They’re watching and listening to you.

“Watching dates is the best part of my job,” one bartender admits. “It also makes me feel really good about myself.”

We also learned that people on bad dates tend to telegraph their emotions. 

One sign someone’s not having a good time? They make this face.


 Or, when their date goes for a hug, they get the “awkward tap” instead.


But the worst? The “head turn.”


“It’s like watching a dog get put down.”

Good luck out there, kids.

[h/t Time]