Storms aren’t the only thing expected to rage through the greater Boston area this weekend. Stay warm and safe (you’re on your own there) and informed. We can help you out with that last one. Read below to catch up on bad interpreters, sad homophobic laws, and mad commuters. Because if you’re well-informed about the news, then when you overdose on eggnog and candy canes, shout, “I ate Christmas!” and proceed to spew Christmas all over the bar … well, at least you won’t look stupid.
State gambling commission chairman Stephen Crosby is being sued for conflict of interest by Caesars Entertainment (named for a Roman emperor who was the epitome of fairness and aboveboard tactics). Crosby’s old Army buddy and former business partner John Lohnes owns a site in Everett that is also being considered for casino development, and the lawsuit claims Crosby shut down Caesars’ proposal to benefit his friend, and that he pressured investigators to dig deep on Caesar’s background check. That background check uncovered a relationship with the Russian mob, but who doesn’t have an acquaintance with the Russian mob if you dig deep enough? You don’t? Well, your mission for Saturday night is to form one.
Depressing bar game: Guess the context for this excerpt of colonial law, which has been reinstituted in India: “Carnal sex against the order of nature.”
Massachusetts has been ranked the sixth-most physically fit state in the country by the United Health Foundation. High five, people who jog down the frigid streets in spite of the fact that there are no large jungle cats chasing them (which is really the only reason a person should run). Brag about your contributions to our statewide physique, whether it’s bench-pressing 220 or not eating a third block of cheddar this week. Then buy yourself a high-carb beer. You deserve it!
Thamsanqa Jantjie, the man now famous for his interpretative dance — we mean sign language — at Nelson Mandela’s memorial service, has said alternately he is “a champion of sign language,” and that he was suffering from schizophrenic hallucinations (of angels!) during his performance. On the upshot, he created several new dance moves for you to try out this weekend.
The MBTA is auditing all third rails on the Red, Orange, and Blue Line trains, after two of them cracked in two days, forcing commuters to have no personal space not only on trains, but also on platforms as they waited for hours.
Nobody panic. Everybody just calm down. Sriracha (or “rooster sauce”) maker Huy Fong foods has been ordered by the California Department of Public Health to hold its sauces for 30 days prior to shipping to “ensure an effective treatment of micro-organisms present in the product.” The manufacturer is confident that the company has enough sauce on reserve so there won’t be a hot sauce shortage during the cold winter months. Still, use the scary news to your advantage. Stockpile Sriracha and then sidle up to some weeping, numb-tongued hottie and say, “Baby, I have so much spicy sauce at my place, you’ll be drinking milk for days.”
Democrat Katherine Clark won the special election that you had no idea occurred on Tuesday, taking Sen. Ed Markey’s old House seat, and making her the fifth congresswoman to represent Massachusetts. Another victory … ladies.
The Mansfield amphitheater (which, back in our day had the folksy name “Great Woods”) has undergone yet another name change. The venue formerly known as the Comcast Center has now been christened the Xfinity Center, which has a nice, jingly ring to it. And if you think that’s bad, wait until the toilet in your favorite dive bar has been renamed the Nokia Restroom Facilities.