This morning, the Big Apple Twittersphere was abuzz with terror as eyewitness reports of a creepy clown carrying two balloons began popping up insidiously on people’s timelines with the hashtag #SIclown.
Many pants were pissed over the clown, and memories of Tim Curry’s insomnia-inducing portrayal of Pennywise resurfaced in nightmares across the borough of Staten Island. But, as it goes with the Internet in 2014, the clown was eventually unveiled as a promotional stunt for a local production company, and we were once again reminded that New York City is a soul-less mine for advertisers looking to go “native” – which is horrifying in its own right, but nothing that’ll send you crying to mommy.
Well, here in Boston, City of Champions, John Winthrop’s proud and noble “City upon a Hill,” our creeps are home-grown and authentic as hell. With this in mind, we decided to compile a list of the creeps you’re liable to run into on any given street corner in Boston. From black-hearted wizards of the North Shore to wiley dementors of Harvard Square, these are the Hub’s most harrowing.
And the only things they’re sellin’ are goosebumps.
[Photo credit: Levisisland via instagram]
| 1. | The UMass Boston Beacon |
The live-action version is nearly as disturbing as the punchy schlong hanging above the campus’ cafe (pictured below), but the mascot rendition doesn’t really convey the nefarious, perverted intentions that lurk in the dead white eyes of banner-ized Beacon.
| 2. | Vermin Supreme |
Hailing from Gloucester, the madcap political activist is known for wielding a giant toothbrush and purporting nearly mystical knowledge of time travel and zombie apocalypses.
Vermin Supreme is for anarchy and boot-shaped hats, but he is certainly not for the kids.
| 3. | “The Sleepwalker” |
“The Sleepwalker” caused quite a political stir at the all-female college, but what makes the sculpture truly spooky is its position by a bend on College Road. Driving by at night, motorists certainly get a chill when their headlights illuminate this pasty spectre in the snow.
| 4. | Charles Z. and His Legion of Internet Trolls |
Meme generator and nerd network 4chan banded together to upvote local 39-year-old sweaty fat guy Charles Z. to the top of the voting, thus giving him the chance “to make a complete ass of himself by blatantly just sniffing her hair with cameras rolling.”
We’re hard-pressed to decide what’s creepier, Charles himself or his lollerskating spam monkeys, but the Internet is a scary place, and these guys could be anywhere around town.
| 5. | Blue the Puppeteer |
From his eerie and macabre puppet work to his unpredictable demeanor, the off-kilter busker has been devastating Harvard freshmen as long as he’s occupied his post in the square. His traumatizing renditions of classic children’s songs will leave you wishing you had gone to Princeton instead.