In May, the Washington Post put forth that “opposition to gay marriage has faded as a viable position for GOP officials,” adding “there really is no need to opine on the issue if you are a candidate for federal office.”

Suspiciously absent from the article: “Haha, just kidding.” As everybody knows, there are no authorities on gay marriage – or on love in general for that matter – more preeminent than GOP officials. This truth, undeniable as such, was again made abundantly clear recently by both the cartoonish Rick Perry and the perpetually butt-puckered Rick Santorum.

Last week Perry, the governor of Texas and ingloriously failed presidential candidate suggested that being gay is akin to being an alcoholic. It was a lamebrain comment to be sure and filled the blogosphere like a wet fart, but at its core, that’s all it was. A harmless, albeit stinky wet fart.

What Santorum, former Pennsylvania senator and fellow blowhard failed presidential candidate, allowed to leak out of his face hole at the March for Marriage on Thursday was far more nefarious and deliberately misleading. Santorum, bless the coal that sits in his chest, said gay marriage is bad for the economy.

“Marriage is the glue that holds the family together and when we continue to see a decline in marriage and a redefinition of marriage you get less marriage, you get families that aren’t as a strong and as a result society, generally, the economy suffers.”

“Every family is an economic unit,” he added, successfully constructing the most impersonal and robotic sentence imaginable.

He continued: “We are saying marriage is not anything significant other than a romantic relationship between two people. But that’s not what marriage is. Marriage is a romantic relationship between people and then some.”

How illuminating. Santorum’s “and then some” was some blathering about unity, but regarding the economic thing, here’s an alternative perspective:

CNN: “Since gay marriage was legalized in New York state a year ago, marriage license fees, local celebrations and wedding-related purchases have boosted New York City’s economy by $259 million.”

“Massachusetts has received an estimated $111 million economic boost over the first five years that same-sex marriage has been legal.”

Philadelphia Business Journal: “Gay marriage [in Philadelphia] would generate between $65 million and $92 million through direct wedding spending and wedding-related tourism, creating between 812 and 1,142 full- and part-time jobs.”

M.V. Lee Badgett, economist, UMASS Amherst on the nationwide legalization of same-sex marriage: “Hundreds of thousands of excited couples would start planning weddings, generating at least $1.5 billion, by my calculations, in spending on flowers, cakes, bands, meals, photographers, hotels, tourism in general, suits and gowns (not to mention those one-off gowns for the members of the bridal party). And of course all those purchases generate millions in sales tax revenue for state and local governments.”

Both Santorum and Perry have teased the idea of running for president again in 2016, though neither are ruling out the possibility of Obama getting gay married to the White House and thus legally presiding over the country for a third term.