Tom Brady. Mr. Super Bowls. The Golden Lad. The Ageless Wonder. Conqueror of Supermodel. A true giant of sport. But can he throw an Opening Day first pitch? Apparently not.

Everyone loves Tom Brady. His perfect life of winning Super Bowls and taking fun and exotic vacations with his beautiful family, then sharing the photos and video across social media platforms, has been well-documented here at But The Perfect Man was anything but at Fenway Park yesterday, when an otherwise flawless Red Sox Opening Day Ceremony was tarnished by this abomination.

Yes, Tom Brady is a Football God. But take the pigskin out of his hand and replace it with the gleaming white orb of our National Pastime and he’s a mere mortal. A mortal who throws like a child.

Now before you start filling the comments with your “stick with music” vitriol, I’ll have you know that I have every right to judge He Who Shall Never Retire’s first pitch. Because I have thrown the first pitch at a Red Sox game.


Granted, my first first pitch was a bit high, but it was a strike. And yes, my second first pitch caught the ball attendant a bit off guard, but I told her ahead of time I would throw her a strike. And I did. Which is more than The Greatest Quarterback In The History Of Football Who Is So Friggin’ Awesome People Name Their Kids After Him can say. Clown.

Tom Brady is a four-time Super Bowl champion who will be remembered as the greatest at what he does. I’ve worked at four radio stations in the last five years and will be forgotten literally minutes after I sign off for the last time.

But at least I can throw a damn baseball for a strike.