Struggling to pick teams for your office’s March Madness pool? Worried that choosing teams based on which mascot would win in a fight in a rowboat isn’t going to cut it this year? Maybe these experts over at ESPN can be of help, as soon as they wake up from their naps.

While the panel of experts discusses a wide range of topics, from sleeper picks (“my sister Tate,” “I sleep when Mommy and Daddy go to bed”) to opinions on mascots (the Duke Blue Devil “looks like a rhino”), the only info you really need to win a pool is the national champion. Here are the trio’s picks for who will cut down the nets in Indianapolis in April.

Paxon: “Darth Vader Storm Troopers”
march madness darth vader storm troopers

Niam: “Tar Heels!”
march madness tar heels

Coen: “Um… The Football Players”
march madness the football players

Well there you have it. Forget any of the high-level analytics you’ve seen from Nate Silver over at FiveThirtyEight or Ken Pomeroy’s log5 method, Niam and Coen have got you covered.

In case five minutes of children saying silly nonsense to a guy in a suit wasn’t enough, check out this compilation of AT&T commercials starring Saturday Night Live cast member Beck Bennett, to which ESPN’s segment owes a debt of gratitude.