This Weekend’s Events: Boats, Brews, and More Boats

New Somerville theater company Girls with Glasses present their inaugural performance, ”Oleanna” by the great David Mamet. It’s recently come to my attention that there are people who have not seen the Alec Baldwin scene from Mamet’s “Glengarry Glen Ross.” I watch it every morning and just update the lessons for a present-day guy who writes on the Internet instead of selling real estate. Always. Be. Tweeting. (7 p.m., $13, all ages)

Two wizards and a team of misfit fantasy junkies improvise a comedy battle in Catalyst Comedy’s tribute to “Magic: The Gathering” (the show is BYOB). There was one table of “Magic” kids in the junior high cafeteria but I never really got into it, probably because I was over at the cool table playing spin the bottle with a milk carton that one time, or (more likely) digging my social studies book out of the garbage while my friends yelled “Trash picker!” even after I bought them Flintstones push-up pops with my lunch money. (10 p.m., $10-15, all ages)

The third annual Hyper-Local Craft Brewfest at the Armory in Somerville showcases beers and ciders from New England producers, made with New England ingredients, because things from New England are better than things not from New England, except maybe Connecticut, remind us again why you’re here, Connecticut? Friday night’s special session features the best offerings from some local homebrewing clubs. I’m skipping the homebrewing trend and jumping on the next big thing — artisanal prison wine, made in local toilets from local fruits and ketchups. (Three sessions at various times, $45, 21+)

What’s the only thing that could make PorchFest even better? If you replaced all the instruments with accordions, right? That’s basically the idea behind Somerville’s Squeezebox Slam, organized to satisfy the Somerville law that requires something really weird to happen at least every three or four days. Accordionists will stroll around the City of Seven Hills (that’s what I call Somerville instead of Slummerville because in old Slummerville the Squeezebox Slam would have happened concurrently with “Punch an Accordionist Day”) They’ll meet in Davis Square for a group show led by Lady Kielbasia the Accordion-Playing Drag Lunch Lady, who was once voted Best Drag Queen with an Accordion in San Francisco. (12 p.m., FREE, all ages)

My trash talk suggestion for Geek’s Who Drink’s Game of Thrones Quiz at Common Ground in Allston: “Hey is your name Jon Snow? Because you know nothing, Jon Snow!” Or if you lose, just start reciting an Arya Stark kill list of all the teams that beat you: The Quiz Maesters. Winter is Cumming. Hos for Hodor. (7 p.m., $5, 21+)

North America’s longest-running Dragon Boat Festival hits the Charles with time trials and races all weekend. Sunday’s cultural festival features Asian food, arts and crafts, performances, and presumably the crowning of the winner, or “Mother of Dragons.” (7 a.m., FREE, all ages)

If you like boats but hate dragons and your boyfriend’s endless dragon-related “Game of Thrones” references, check out the Boston Portuguese Festival’s Azorean Whaleboat Regatta. Besides races, they’ll have whaleboat sailing demonstrations, tours of the boats, and probably your boyfriend still getting in some “You sail like a Dothraki!” trash talk (11:30 a.m., FREE, all ages)

Instead of buying your dad another boring old tie for Father’s Day, take him to a hip Newbury Street menswear store with tons of cool ties, plus alcohol so it’s not weird shopping with your dad. Ball and Buck’s Father’s Day Experience features oyster shucking, live music, beer from Smuttynose, and booze from Bully Boy and GrandTen Distilling. (12 p.m., $10, all ages)

Photo credit: istolethetv/Creative Commons

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