Ever seen two spiteful lovers with the charisma of stale loaves of bread engage in some light bondage? If not, don’t fret — 50 Shades of Grey comes out next Friday!

Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan have, if their 50 Shades press tour is any indication, less chemistry than Mark Wahlberg and whatever sits in place of Ted when they film those crimes of nature, less chemistry than Lindsay Lohan and herself in The Parent Trap, less chemistry than Keanu Reaves and anyone, ever because he’s not a good actor. They don’t like each other, and it shows in this new video released to promote their Glamour cover this month.

Granted, the video is uncomfortable by nature – whose idea was it to have readers submit uncomfortable iPad videos that an unnamed third party would hold between the actors? – but their flat, tired answers are emblematic of every gritted-teeth appearance they’ve made together thus far. If it weren’t for their tense facial expressions, viewers might think the two have been green screened into the movie together and haven’t actually met.

When asked to describe his costar in three words, Dornan says, “Funny. Talented. Caring,” as if there are forty guns pointed at his head.

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How would Johnson describe Dornan in one word? “Superb.”

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The whole affair is vaguely reminiscent of Robert Pattinson’s attitude toward the later Twilight films but, come on guys – you’ve got two more Shades movies to go.



And, the final question: “Who did you call when you got the part?” Both actors say nobody. Dornan says he went to sleep.

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Must be hard having to pretend to like someone for money. Then again, the original star left because of his preposterously low salary, so maybe they would have pretend a little harder if they got paid like the blockbuster stars they are.

[h/t Gawker]