Christmas songs are like Internet pornography. They’re both wildly profitable and yet no one claims to actually appreciate them. How to rectify this dichotomy? Well, in the case of pornography, let’s just assume that the Internet isn’t loaded with it because people don’t want it. As for Christmas songs, that’s easy. Whenever someone tells you they hate Christmas music ask them to name their favorite Christmas songs. They’ll have answers, and you’ll know they were lying about hating Christmas music all along.
You can also direct them to this list bracket, compiled with relatively little criteria or objectivity. (Again, like porn.)
Each day this week, readers will have a chance to vote for a new round of Christmas song match-ups, until an ultimate winner is revealed Friday morning. Don’t see your favorite yuletide jam on this bracket? Unfortunately, we could only pick 16 tunes, and while we aimed to get as many holiday classics in the mix, we also attempted to make the bracket as diverse as possible (hence the song from “Frozen,” disgruntled traditionalists). Whittling the list down took a great deal of back-and-forth. Holiday dreams were crushed, Christmas wishes ended in tears– but in the end, we settled upon a bunch that we’re confident represents the spirit of St. Nick as best as possible.
Vote merry, and vote often.
Yuletide Pop Region
These are the hits that plague your radio waves starting on Black Friday and not quitting until 11:59 p.m. on Christmas evening. Something about them though, encompasses the perfect balance of pop-radio cheese and holiday cheer. It’s hard to get through December without one of these ditties rattling around your cranium to the point of annoyance.
Classic Christmas Crooners Region
These songs are both Christmas movie tested and grandparent approved. Sitting next to the fire and enjoying the seasonal pre-ham cheeseball, your Great Aunt might make the case that they just don’t make music like this anymore. One note into the smoky solid gold notes of these jazzy oldies, and it’s a tough claim to argue.
Rudolph The Red-Nosed Rockers Region
Just because the holiday season is a time of giving, doesn’t mean you have to be ashamed about receiving shreddy St. Nick licks in your eardrums. Luckily, we’ve got everything from rock pioneers to sunny surf rock legends making up this region.
iTunes Holiday Shuffle Region
Some Christmas tunes struggle to be pinned into a certain genre, but are still deserving of recognition for the cheer that they bring. The iTunes Holiday Shuffle Region is filled with ditties that couldn’t quite squeeze their way into more defined categories, but still merit the same Christmas love.