{“data”:[{“type”:”text”,”data”:{“text”:”**I have a friend I went to school with, so we’ve been friends for about ten years. He lives in the UK, I live here. We used to be super close, we went through horrible breakups at the same time last year and went to each other \\(via Skype\\) to talk each other through that time. Our personal lives used to be open books to each other, but a few months ago he went MIA. I thought a new girlfriend was at the root of it, but he said if he had one of course he would let me know, he was just going through some things. Eventually, communication got better and I got over it. Then, I had a crisis a couple months back and he was nowhere in sight.**\n”}},{“type”:”html”,”data”:{“text”:”“}},{“type”:”text”,”data”:{“text”:”**LIKE CRICKETS JILLY. I flipped out, he apologized, we talked on the phone for a few hours, and things were back to normal. He admitted spending time with a \”friend\” every weekend \\(code for he’s banging some girl, I know\\). We were emailing pretty frequently, but lately I BEEN GETTING THEM CRICKETS AGAIN. He’s like my family, and I don’t know what to do. The hot and cold thing is hella tacky, but he’s a good person. I’ve been patient, I’ve been blunt, I’ve been confused\\-\\-should I just go ghost on him?**\n\n**\\-The Cricket Whisperer**\n\nSo you know how long\\-distance relationships are super hard to maintain? \n\nSo are long\\-distance friendships. Especially internationally\\-long\\-distance; time zones are a real bitch when you just need to call someone and vent, NOW. \n\nYou obviously care about this guy and value his friendship, and he obviously cares about you, too, but it seems like he’s not as much of an open book as you wish he were \\(think yourself into his position; if you were \”going through some things,\” you’d probably have called him MORE, not less, right?\\). \n\nThe problem there isn’t that he’s wrong, it’s that you’re expecting him to treat things like you do; as shit as it feels, you either have to accept people for who they are\\-\\-and with this guy, that means occasionally unavailable, a little flaky, but cares deeply\\-\\-or move on from them. \n\nThat might mean ghosting on him\\-\\-if that’s the thing that you need to do to keep yourself emotionally healthy, then that’s what you should do\\-\\-but it shouldn’t mean resentment. Next time you do reach him, don’t flip out, tell him calmly that it hurts your feelings when sometimes he’s super responsive, and others he’s MIA, because it makes you feel like you can’t rely on him. \n\nWhat he does with that information is up to him\\-\\-but you can’t be coming at it trying to force an apology, otherwise the apology isn’t worth much.\n\nAnd how his actions make you feel, and act in turn, is up to you. \n\nBefore you say \”well then, I need to ghost,\” though, remember: everyone goes through phases of how connected they can be, even to their friends down the block. You’re not even on the same continent, and everything from a new girl to a tough day at work might make it legitimately harder for him to carve out the time to \”see\” you. Friendships take a lot of work, even when they’re nearby; if someone not willing to put in the work all the time is someone you don’t want in your life, cut him out. But if you have a sneaking suspicion \\(I DO!!\\) that people who get you that deeply are worth keeping, even if they don’t always act like you want them to, then consider that really\\-honest conversation and trying to follow the most important of preschool maxims. \n\nYou know the one. \n\n\”We get what we get, and we don’t get upset.\” \n”}}]}
