Sure, it’s January, but if you’re a responsible teenager with a bright future you’re already saving your pennies and planning for prom. Good news – rapper and known insane person RiFF RaFF has formulated a way to ruin both of those things!

RiFF RAFF, known for songs like “Dolce and Gabbana” and “Tip Toe Wing In My Jawwdinz” as well as matching with girlfriend Katy Perry in head-to-toe denim at last year’s AMAs, announced on Instagram that he’ll take one lucky teenager to prom for a price tag of $28,000.

Sound too pricy? Don’t worry, there are perks! Here’s his original Instagram post from @jodyhighroller – JODY HiGHROLLER is RiFF RAFF’s other rap alias and, we can only assume, his Christian name.

A few thoughts:

Who was the first person to wRiTe LiKe ThIs? Was it out of sheer rebellion? A flagrant disregard for capitalization? A bizarre and desperate need to make communicating both more difficult to do and harder to look at? Does RiFF RAFF not know how to turn off spellcheck? 

Note that there is no stating what he’s planning to do with the money – in all likelihood, the purchaser will be buying Katy Perry a tennis bracelet and RiFF RAFF the title of a bizarro performance artist.

Guaranteeing unlimited freestyling is a decidedly bad move, since any kid with half a brain will demand that he dance nonstop until he has reached a frenzied state and reaches existential climax.

The best penthouse suite in town? RiFF RAFF is sleeping in a separate room, right? Or does that cost extra money?

Teens everywhere, take note – your goth phase is fleeting, your half pouting, half sneezing ID photo is temporary, but taking a 32-year-old white rapper to prom is both priceless and terrifying.

[h/t to SPIN]