Head into the weekend ready to crack wise about the important topical issues from this week’s news: old cars, Beerghazi, and Neil Patrick Harris’ wiener. Hey, sometimes it’s hard to make jokes about hate crimes, Ebola, and stabbed park rangers.

Joe Bergantino, executive director and co-founder of the New England Center for Investigative Reporting, was detained in Russia for teaching an investigative journalism workshop in St. Petersburg, probably because the Russian government would like its citizens to find more lucrative careers. Better hope you don’t run into Bergantino in a bar … his Russian Gulag story is always going to trump your parking ticket saga.

Pretty Things brewery has accused the Lower Depths Tap Room in Kenmore Square and Bukowski Tavern in the Back Bay of a pay-to-play system for reserving taps. Craft beer aficionados may taste hints of bitterness in their next pint, with an after taste of resentment and frustration. Good mouthfeel, though.

Crews have pulled up 50 cars from the Merrimack River bottom. It’s like investigating the Titanic’s remains, except instead of a gigantic engineering marvel, it’s Freddie’s long lost rusted out Buick.


Robel Phillipos, who stands accused aiding accused marathon bomber Dzhokar Tsarnaev, had former Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis testify as a character witness in his trial this week. Phillipos and Dukakis apparently met at a Funny Last Names convention.

Neil Patrick Harris will host the Oscars in 2015. His penis, which will no doubt be nominated for its memorable role in “Gone Girl,” will be there too. Your pick-up line for the weekend: Are you hosting the Oscars or something, or are you just happy to see me?