Urban geysers! Rats! Skin-eating narcotics! It’s been a strange week but at least the Sox are doing well (we’re not acknowledging that sloppy game last night). Shrug it off this weekend by debriefing with your friends. Here are some suggestions for how to get the bar talk started.
Bishop of Limburg Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst (Friday night challenge: say that three times fast) has been expelled for spending 31 million euro on his home, earning him the nickname “the bishop of bling” in the press. We were going to suggest the headline “Pimp My Diocese,” but to each their own.
Krokodil, a Russian narcotic made by mixing codeine with household ingredients like gasoline and iodine, has become popular in Arizona, Illinois, and Utah, in spite of the fact that it eats your flesh! Do not Google image search “krokodil” if you love your eyeballs or the part of your brain that allows you to sleep at night. Just shrug, say to your drinking buddy, “Some people will do anything to get buzzed,” then dramatically chug your beer and punctuate your sentence with an earth-shattering burp.
How ’bout them Red Sox? Eh? Wear that facial hair with pride … ladies.
Annie Dookhan, the state chemist who fudged lab results for thousands of drug cases. Dookhan’s lawyer had argued that Dookhan should get a one-year sentence, citing Dookhan’s lack of malice and the damage her imprisonment would wreak on her disabled son. Suffolk Superior Court Judge Carol Ball said that Dookhan’s tampering had cost the state millions of dollars and refused to give her anything less than the maximum sentence if she is found guilty. Here’s to not having a job where people’s lives are on the line … unless you’re a state chemist, a lawyer, a judge, a doctor, a bus driver, or a cook. And if you are, should you even be drinking?
Three-month-old George, prince of England, was baptized on Wednesday. No need for jokes, all of the following are facts: The royal family met the requisite pretentious name quota thanks to godparent William van Custem, the prince will receive a freaking Romanian meadow as a christening gift (“Oh gee, thanks. I’ll just put that over here”), and as People magazine rabidly reports, the traditional fruitcake was served at the after party.
Germans are dour (more so than usual) over allegations that US spies tapped Chancellor Angela Merkel’s cellphone. Merkel apparently called President Barack Obama to confront him about the rumors and to listen for microphone feedback.
Recent construction in the Riverside neighborhood of Cambridge has disturbed the nests of numerous large rats and sent them scurrying all over Cambridge, according to the Cambridge Day. Cambridge City Councilor Ken Reeves, who is apparently the most quotable man in local politics, said, “The amount of rats you’ve disturbed is disturbing!” and, “In Riverside, we have unleashed the fury.” Console the good people of the People’s Republic by buying someone a drink (maybe at the People’s Republik?) and doling out some rodent puns. Might we suggest: “The construction work is outrateous!” or “Who let the rat out of the bag?” or if the evening goes well, “How about we go unleash the fury at my place?”
[Photo credit: George Rizer/Globe Staff]