Now that you’ve emerged from last week’s hot dog and beer induced food coma with a week-long hangover, it’s time to strap on your drinking sandals, because not only will this weekend be beautiful, but—helloooo?—Bastille Day is just around the corner! You steel your stomach for another long weekend, we’ll take care of the topical conversation for you to say around the BBQ—oh, sorry, we mean le barbeque.

A deer (who probably had had a few too many) ran into a Weymouth liquor store and caused $3,000 worth of damage. Try to convince your friends this has always been a regional folksyism in the made up town you come from by using it in a sentence as frequently as possible. If someone knocks over a drink: “Friend, you’re like a deer in a liquor store.” If someone’s dancing erratically: “That guy’s moves are like a deer in a liquor store!”

Uxbridge Police have asked that people stop shitting on trains from bridges, which is apparently what kids do for fun there on a Saturday night. So this weekend, a toast to the fact that you don’t live in Uxbridge.

MBTA police have issued a warrant for the 25 year old they believe has vandalized two historic trolleys with his tag, “Fugue,” which will coincidentally also be his defense.

The Santa Monica apartment where Whitey Bulger lived on the lam is up for rent. It’s been remodeled/painted to get the old man/convicted racketeer smell out of the place, plus who knows what treasures might be buried in the walls.

Boston Mayor Marty Walsh will boycott arbitration hearings with Wynn Casinos, leaving the decision about how much money the city will get as a “surrounding community” in the very hands of the gaming commission he doesn’t trust. That’ll show ’em.

A new app allows users to sell their parking spots to that poor desperate sucker circling the block. The app was developed in Baltimore, but if it comes to the streets of Boston, we’ll be living in a “Mad Max” scenario in two months tops, so invest in a leather vest now, and run up to the best-looking person at the bar, shouting, “I am the nightrider!”