It’s summertime, and that means mating season for all creatures, from rats to Tinder users. And you’re no exception. So shave/pluck that mustache (or groom it, if that’s your thing), and get ready to impress whoever your biological instinct tells you to bag by brushing up on this week’s news and using this collection of newsy pickup lines and topical jokes.
Somerville wants to bring a new weapon to the city’s ongoing “War on Rats”: traps filled with delicious birth control. If the city gets permission from the EPA to use the bait laced with chemosterilant, rats around Somerville could be having worry-free sex by the end of next week!
Protesters including taxi drivers, food service workers and adjunct professors gathered across the state yesterday in support of raising the state’s minimum wage by at least $2.50 an hour. Both the Massachusetts House and Senate have passed minimum wage hike bills, but in the meantime, kids, don’t forget to tip your waiters and professors.
Former President George Bush Sr. went skydiving on his 90th birthday, proving that even in retirement, you can follow the family motto: Jump first, ask questions later. A possible pickup line: “I wanna jump you like George Bush Sr. sky-diving out of a helicopter–squirming around and shouting, ‘Bombs away!'”
President Barack Obama visited Worcester Tech and praised the school’s turnaround from an outdated, irrelevant campus to a leader in skills-based education. He also coined what should be Worcester’s new town motto: “If it can happen in Worcester, it can happen in any place.”
The policy group that led the campaign to legalize pot in Colorado plans to bring a similar ballot measure to Massachusetts in 2016, meaning we could actually see decent turnout for the gubernatorial race! The committee, artfully named “the Campaign to Regulate Marijuana Like Alcohol in Massachusetts,” has already filed campaign finance papers. Pickup line: “I’m starting a committee called The Campaign to Get All Ten Digits of Your Phone Number. Would you care to contribute?”
A Bostonian messaged 32 women he found on Tinder … all at once, in a group text message. The recipients let him have it, poking fun at his game, comparing individual texts he sent, and presumably starting their own Facebook group called “Joshua’s Dream Team.” Though to Joshua’s credit, he was only (probably accidentally) bringing transparency to a technique used by the majority of people on Tinder. This weekend, we recommend sending your 32 favorite Tinder users with the message: “Hey there, hotties. Why don’t you come to the bar and berate me in person?”
