Reactionary, self-appointed agents of God joined forces with sensation-starved media to shout a Satanic Black Mass reenactment off Harvard University campus last night.
For Christians who feel their religious freedoms infringed upon whenever anyone chants “Abracadabra” or what-have-you while wearing a black or red robe, truly, this was a glorious turn of events. For curious metal heads and counter culture habitués who came to check out the hullaballoo, reactions to the cancellation ranged from dull-surprise to indignation.
“I am horribly disappointed. This was my opportunity to really get into the insides of the underworld. I was expecting to see the fundamental machinations that gave us people like Cheney and Bush,” said the dapperly-attired Bil Lewis of Cambridge, upon observing a cabal of beaming non-secular protesters gathered nearby the Cambridge Queen’s Head, but not the once-scheduled Satanic display.