News has leaked out that Kane’s Donuts, the popular Saugus doughnut spot, will open the new location in Boston’s Financial District that has been in the works since fall next week. While some of you may be excited, I’m here to tell you definitively that this is awful news for the city. Don’t believe me? Here are ten photos that prove the new Kane’s Donuts is going to be TERRIBLE.
I mean, LOOK at these things.
You’re seriously telling me those look good?
Hi, I have a family of five here, can we have half a pastry please?
Actually, my teenage son has four friends over. Better make it a whole one.
I know Kane’s is known for huge portions, but who wants doughnuts this big?
I’ll stick with Munchkins, thank you very much.
And speaking of Dunkin’ Donuts, I think we’ve got doughnuts pretty covered already, Kane’s.
America runs on Dunkin’, bro.
Kane’s is allegedly going to use more gourmet ingredients like jalapeno cheddar and Nutella in their donuts, which, ugh, BARF.
I only eat chocolate hazelnut spread if it’s made in AMERICA, Kane’s.
Great, they make cupcakes too?
Well Happy freaking birthday to me, I just bought myself a mouthful of cavities.
Some of these doughnuts are just unnatural.
Peanut butter and jelly belongs on a sandwich, not in a doughnut. That’s, like, the 11th Commandment of the American Declaration of America or something.
There you have it, undeniable proof that Kane’s Donuts will be the worst thing to ever happen to Boston. But if you’re a total idiot and believe reviews of the Saugus location like this one, written by some simpleton who was “overwhelmed by the incredible selection,” please, by all means, go. I’ll be laughing at you the whole way as I enjoy my boiled cabbage breakfast smoothie with a side of mineral water.