Other than maybe Larry King, Jose Canseco is one of the most influential thought leaders on Twitter. From his trenchant thoughts on comet transport and star taxis to his witty lost finger prank, The former Red Sox slugger has harnessed the power of social media for good. Yesterday, the Bash Brother turned 140-character philosopher took a page out of Miss Cleo’s book by offering some of his boundless wisdom regarding what will happen in 2015.
Warning: If you have a history of heart problems or adverse reactions to mind-blowing truth bombs, stop reading this article now. For those brave enough to read on, strap in and get ready for some Ouija-level predictions that are all but guaranteed to come true now that our prophet JC has foretold them.
Cansecodamus 2015 .It will be a great year. wait for it
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 2, 2015
1. Life will be discovered on Mars
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 2, 2015
2. @JebYork chokes on silver spoon, Lott new owner, hires Jimbo, 49ers win super bowl.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 2, 2015
3. Ford Model @JosieCanseco is on cover of Vogue
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 2, 2015
4. @BarackObama wins lead role in new NBC sitcom Old Urkel
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 2, 2015
5. Peace in middle east. Israel accepts trade of 200 miles of Ocean for West Bank Palestine nation. Jerusalem new UN city state
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 2, 2015
6. Elon Musk brings the McFly Hoverboard to market
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 2, 2015
8. First live interview of extra terrestrial on TV. Barbara Walters does it
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 2, 2015
9. New Telomere extension surgery centers open for anti and reverse ageing
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 2, 2015
10. Bud Selig accidentally shoots his finger off
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) January 2, 2015
The Roided One seems to have accidentally omitted the Seventh Cansecommandment, but only doubters and heretics believe He is fallible. JC will undoubtedly descend from on high to issue the lost prediction during the ancient training rites of Spring in the holy land of Fort Myers.
[h/t Uproxx; img via Getty]
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