twitter chatter

Other than maybe Larry King, Jose Canseco is one of the most influential thought leaders on Twitter. From his trenchant thoughts on comet transport and star taxis to his witty lost finger prank, The former Red Sox slugger has harnessed the power of social media for good. Yesterday, the Bash Brother turned 140-character philosopher took a page out of Miss Cleo’s book by offering some of his boundless wisdom regarding what will happen in 2015.

Warning: If you have a history of heart problems or adverse reactions to mind-blowing truth bombs, stop reading this article now. For those brave enough to read on, strap in and get ready for some Ouija-level predictions that are all but guaranteed to come true now that our prophet JC has foretold them.

The Roided One seems to have accidentally omitted the Seventh Cansecommandment, but only doubters and heretics believe He is fallible. JC will undoubtedly descend from on high to issue the lost prediction during the ancient training rites of Spring in the holy land of Fort Myers.

[h/t Uproxx; img via Getty]