Hollywood’s creative bankruptcy and strange fixation on film adaptations of children’s toys has reached its nadir: Threshold Entertainment announced exclusively to the Wall Street Journal that they are teaming up with The Tetris Company to make a “very big, epic sci-fi movie” based on the timeless video game.
First off, congratulations to the Wall Street Journal on the scoop of the century. After combing through hundreds of press releases and thousands of complimentary CDs, author Mike Ayers has his Woodward-Bernstein moment. Secondly, what took Hollywood so long to make this? Are you really telling that a movie based on Candy Land, Battleship, and three movies based on Ouiji board sounded like better ideas than a Tetris movie? If that doesn’t convince you, let the words of Threshold CEO Larry Kasanoff transport you to a dream world of magic, where a bunch of colorful blocks not named Lego are a viable movie franchise.
“This isn’t a movie with a bunch of lines running around the page. We’re not giving feet to the geometric shapes,” Kasanoff says. “What you [will] see in ‘Tetris’ is the teeny tip of an iceberg that has intergalactic significance.”
Inspiring stuff from the man responsible for bringing the “Mortal Kombat” video game franchise, and therefore the greatest line reading in film history, to the big screen.