The writers of Parks and Recreation have given us many wonderful things: Jean Ralphio, “treat yo self,” the breakfast habits of Ron Swanson, but perhaps the greatest gift of all is the concept of Galentine’s Day.
More than any other show in the past handful of years, P&R is a proponent of the positive female friendship and pays it forward in the form of a pre-Valentine’s February 13th celebration of best friends. To see the holiday at its best check out P&R‘s Season 2 episode “Galentine’s Day” and treat your galentine extra special this year.
Boxed wine and Netflix? Who needs it! Commiserating? It’s for geeks and dweebs and might I add rubes! Here are 13 things to do with your loved one on this #blessed 13th day of February.
1. See 50 Shades of Grey and bring a flask.
There’s few things more satisfying then making up your own drinking game, but don’t go for the low-hanging fruit when it comes to taking swills from a flask at your local screening of 50 Shades of Grey.
I recommend an audience-focused list of drinking cues – every time a mom shifts uncomfortably in her seat, every time someone leans over and says, “it was dirtier in the book!”, every time you witness cinematic sexual aerobics and think, “hey, I could do that.” No you can’t, you’re drunk.
2. Go on a Tinder date under a false identity.
There’s nothing like a little friendly competition on Galentine’s Day. Both galentines should find a clandestine date on Tinder and attend them under false identities, then swap notes.
Sure, it’s extremely rude and probably illegal, but so much fun! If you break character or end up meeting the love of your life, you lose the game.
3. Ruin someone else’s date.
If you can’t beat ’em, make ’em suffer with you! A great way to do this is to approach a man on a date at a restaurant and say it’s nice to see him.
If he says he doesn’t recognize you (he shouldn’t), just shrug and say, “Oh, we hooked up at a party a couple years ago. You were pretty drunk, I guess you don’t remember.” Walk away and watch him try to recover with a date that is now certainly doomed.
4. Fake someone’s death to get a free meal.
An unconventional but highly effective move. Here’s how you do it: bring your galentine to any IHOP and assure the waiter that there is a third person on the way, even though there isn’t.
Then, order the nonexistent third person food, and midway through the meal fake receiving a call that the nonexistent third party has died in a tragic accident. Tell your waiter, cry a little, say you were always in love with the nonexistent person and you will get a free meal…and a third meal for someone who doesn’t exist!
5. Make a truly ridiculous valentine.
If it’s been a few years since you’ve got in touch with your inner craft goddess, this is your moment. Collaborate with your galentine on a memorable friendship collage – print out all your best and worst photos together and a few of a buff young Alex Trebek, and go to town with the glitter and markers.
It doesn’t matter if it looks good, it just matters that you make a horrific mess.
6. Go ice skating and eat it big time.
If you’re longing to human contact this Valentine’s season, there’s no better solution than to clinging to your best friend for dear life in the freezing cold.
If the event is feeling a little lackluster, fake a Nancy Kerrigan style injury! You’ll look like an idiot, but you’ll be closer than ever.
7. Live tweet someone else’s date.
Go out to dinner with your galentine anywhere this evening and you’re bound to sit next to a couple who are in love in a very obvious and gross way. Time to do something fun and illegal!
Take out your phones to eavesdrop on the sweet nothings being spoken too loudly, and mock accordingly with your hashtag of choice.
8. Volunteer with people cooler than you.
Though you may be a bitter, broken person yourself, there are plenty of people out there who aren’t.
Take your galentine to volunteer at a children’s hospital and use your friendship to spread some good cheer to others- you’ll bring a smile to someone’s face, and feel less guilty about whining later on.
9. See an old Galentine and make up.
There’s no time like Galentine’s Day to bury the hatchet. Is there anyone you’ve been too embarrassed or stubborn to resolve a problem with?
Maybe Kelsey, who you lied about your grandmother’s death so you wouldn’t have to go to her jazz choir concert, or Oliver, who you got in a fight with in high school because you dated the guy he had a crush on. Today’s your day. Hit them up, offer to pay for dinner, and make your life a little shinier.
10. It’s okay to have a boy galentine.
If your galentine of choice is out of town, feel free to reach out to your closest guy friend and gal it up.
Ovaries shouldn’t get in the way of friendship! Guy-lentine’s Day is a variation on Galentine’s, and I’m pretty sure it’s just best guy friends drinking bacon grease by the gallon and talking about Wilco.
11. Get inspired by galentines before you.
If you’re determined to go the boxed wine route, you might as well watch some great TV while you’re doing it.
Once you’ve tired yourself out on Leslie and Ann’s sweetness on Parks and Rec, move onto Broad City’s Abbi and Ilana, Gilmore Girls’ Rory and Lorelai, and each and every one of the Golden Girls to allow you and your gal to plan a long, happy single life together.
12. Have a Razzie nominee party.
There is nothing better in this world than a bad movie, particularly if that bad movie is I, Frankenstein.
Check out the Razzie nominees from this year and make some intelligently idiotic predictions based on your own research, using your alcohol of choice.
13. Get too aggressive at laser tag.
Going out to play laser tag is something that “fun couples” do on Valentine’s Day weekend, but galentines do it better. Head to the nearest location that hosts the digital sport of champions, and get into it.
Hooray for friend love! I’m going to get watch I, Frankenstein and get high at an IHOP.