Not sure why Netflix is raising their monthly rate for new subscriptions in the next month, it’s not like their selection of weekly releases is getting any better or like they’re actually releasing more than five movies that would actually be able to hold our attention for longer than the span of the opening credits. Either way, the subscription increase is happening and we’re stuck with another shitty selection of new weekend movies.
“Don Jon” (2013)
In his directorial debut movie, Joseph Gordon-Levitt also plays “Don” Jon Martello, a good ol’ boy known for his super-smooth way with the women, who could easily be friends with The Situation and the rest of the boys from “Jersey Shore,” with the pecs and the abs, the gold chain and the wife-beater tank top, the muscle car and the Sunday Mass. Despite the fact that Jon can pull a gorgeous woman any night of the week, he can only find true sexual fulfillment through brief snippets of porn on his laptop, a habit that’s killing his ability to find real love.
“Exit Through the Gift Shop” (2010)
Whether this film is actually a true story or a hoax created by the rogue street artist, Banksy, doesn’t really matter. Either way, after watching you understand what Banksy was trying to do, which was question what actually constitutes art, good taste, popularity and the relationship between art and business. The film ends up with a storyline that shows art enthusiasts as little more than sheep while spinning a tale that’s revealing, aggravating, but still enjoyable.
“The Benchwarmers” (2006)
It’s hard to buy this as an underdog movie when the cast barely exerts any semblance of acting. Rob Schneider ends up playing straight man to David Spade, who once again relies on his snarky coward shtick, and Jon Heder, who comes across like someone doing a bad imitation of … well, Heder himself in “Napoleon Dynamite.”
“Danny Deckchair” (2003″)
Right when we though that the premise of this move was totally unbelievable and ridiculous – Danny is unhappily married to a Realtor named Trudy, who doesn’t understand him, so he decides to make his escape via a lawn chair strapped with balloons, eventually landing in a small town where he falls in love with Glenda – we found out that Danny Deckchair was a real man. His name was Larry Walters, and according to reports, he filled 45 weather balloons with helium and tied them to an aluminum lawn chair. His flight ended up being too successful as he soared 16,000 feet above Long Beach, CA, after dropping his pellet gun that he was supposed to use to shoot out the balloons to get to land.
“Charlie Countryman” (2013)
What’s become of Shia LaBeouf? He was seen sporting a brown paper bag over his head that read, “I am not famous anymore,” he created an art installation that could easily be seen as a knockoff – not even a good one – of Marina Abramovic’s artwork, and now his movies are released without anyone really noticing. If you still care about Shia LaBeouf, watch this movie that he stars in about a dude who travels to Bucharest (wherever that is), where he falls in love with a cellist.
“Instructions Not Included” (2013)
Mexican playboy gets left with baby from a former fling. Playboy and baby move to Los Angeles to find mom. Playboy and baby end up making a home for themselves and becoming best friends after six years. Mom shows up and wants kid back. Things get messy. There, no you don’t even have to watch this cliche father-daughter dramedy.
