Earlier this week, archaic game-maker Hasbro reached out to its Facebook fans for help re-invigorating their flagship board game Monopoly. The company asked folks to submit and vote on their favorite house rules to be included in a future iteration of the classically capitalist game.
As you might imagine for a dusty corporate strategy game like Monopoly, the suggestions were pretty run-of-the-mill: players who land directly on Go collect $400 instead of $200, bankers who miscount the bank are levied fines, and anyone who rolls snake eyes gets a cash bonus. Yawn.
Since Boston is the center of the known universe, our staff came together to make a list of our own Hub-specific suggestions for the game. These 15 items may be a little less traditional than your standard Monopoly house rules, but they add that distinct “I’m from Boston, fuck you” edge that the game so sorely lacks.
| 1. |
If you land on Free Parking, you’re allowed to put down a lawn chair, and no other players may land on this space for the next two (or ten, whatever) turns |
| 2. |
Every time you land on New York Avenue, you must start a “Yankees Suck” chant, or you lose a turn |
| 3. |
If the Red Sox win the World Series during your turn, you may select another player’s hotel and loot all the valuables inside it |
| 4. |
Every time you build a hotel, you lose a turn because of anti-gentrification protests from Allston crustpunks |
| 5. |
A 65% state tax is applied to all inheritance awarded from Community Chest |
| 6. |
Any player sent to jail may choose instead to become an informant and defer sentencing for 16 years |
| 7. |
Every time you land on Waterworks, someone must play “Dirty Water,” and all players must begrudgingly sing along |
| 8. |
If you land on Vermont Avenue, you must leave the game and come back four years later in a ratty Patagonia fleece with a new appreciation for heady microbrews and Phish and the idea that ultimate Frisbee is the meaning of life |
| 9. |
When you pass Go, collect $200; if you have an E-ZPass, collect $250 |
| 10. |
Players who own a railroad must ignore 30 Twitter complaints per turn |
| 11. |
If you select the car piece, you’re allowed to move 1-2 more spaces than the number you roll so long as you give the finger to all the opposing players |
| 12. |
When you draw Pay School Fees from Community Chest, you take on a staggering, debilitating amount of debt for the rest of the game, but at least you get a BA in anthropology |
| 13. |
Broadway is re-named “Fort Point,” and any player that purchases the deed must listen to the other players talk about how innovative their startups are |
| 14. |
The bank is re-named Fenway Park, and, once per game, the Banker must thwart a robbery attempt made by Ben Affleck and Jeremy Renner |
| 15. |
Every time you win a beauty contest, collect an extra $500 and a Mark Wahlberg-produced reality TV show |
