In case you’ve been living under an Internet-less snow drift for the past two days (and that’s completely possible), incomparable sketch madmen Key and Peele have released the third installment in one of their most popular absurd sketches, East/West College Bowl, featuring some familiar NFL faces.

With a bevy of names to choose from, can one truly be the best? Answer: yes. Here are our twelve favorites.

Frostee Rucker
Okay, so not every football player is going to be an award-winning actor, but it’s the guy’s real name.

Grunky peep
Making Georgia proud.

Swordless Mimetown
In third place, a name that could also be the name of a dystopian novel.

Ishmaa'ily Kitchen
Another real name.

Takittothu' Limit
Whose idea was this beard and have they received their Pulitzer? Weird graying chin-beard forever.

Marmadune Shazbot
*hair flip*

D'Brickashaw Ferguson
The OG weird football name starring the man himself, the inspiration for the sketches.

Splendiferous Finch
He goes to Northwestern, you guys. He’s a fancy athlete.

Ha Ha Clinton-Dix
Is it sarcastic laughter followed by an early ’90s joke? Nope, it’s the actual name of a Packers player.

Strunk Flugget
Is he sad or is he stoned or is he stoned because he’s sad? Someone give Strunk Flugget a hug, please.

A.A. Ron Rodgers
The runner up, Aaron Rodgers himself – double points because this makes reference to another hilarious Key and Peele sketch.

Triple Parakeet-Shoes
Close one, Rodgers, but nothing can EVER beat Triple Parakeet-Shoes.

Here’s the full list for your own ranking purposes – real football players are in bold.
Creme De La Creme / Vanderbilt University
Cosgrove Shumway / Clemson University
Ha Ha Clinton-Dix / University of Alabama
Doink Ahahahue / Marshall 
Legume Duprix / West Virginia University
Leger Douzable / University of Central Florida
Quisperny G’Dunzoid Sr. / Central Connecticut State University
Grunky Peep / Georgia Southern University
D’Brickashaw Ferguson / University of Virginia
Strunk Flugget / University of South Carolina
Stumptavian Roboclick / Gramblin State?
Cornellius “Tank” Carradine / Florida State University
Vagonius Thicket-Suede / Duke University
Marmadune Shazbot / Tulane University
Swords Mimetown / Jacksonville State University
Prince Amukamara / University of Nebraska
J.R. Junior Juniors Jr. / Texas Christian University
Faux Doadles / University of Oregon
Fozzy Whittaker / University of Texas
Myriad Profiteroles / Utah
Busters Brownce / Illinois State University
Turdine Cupcake / Unnyuddy(?)
Rerutweeds Myth / University of Washington
Ishmaa’ily Kitchen / Kent State University
Takittothu’ Limit / College DeCanyus(?)
Snarf Mintz-Plasse / East Los Angeles College
Frostee Rucker / University of Southern California
Splendiferous Finch / Northwestern University
Triple Parakeet-Shoes / Ball State University
LogjammerD’Baggagecling / North Texas University
A.A. Ron Rodgers / Cal

Bless you, Key and Peele, and bless your hair and makeup department.

If you haven’t seen Part 1 and Part 2 of the East/West saga, you’re seriously missing out.