My relationship with my laptop is absorbing enough, and the last thing I need is for the appliance that burns my bread to act like a middle child.

However, according to some bizarre art project from Italian designer¬†Simone Rebaudengo, that could quite possibly be exactly what’s in the cards for homeowners of the near future.

Rebaudengo’s project, titled Addicted Products, offers a glimpse into a bleak, dystopian social network where all of our kitchen appliances are connected, interact, and get jealous. The star of this show is a bitchy little toaster named Brad (ugh, of course his name is Brad) who, according to this report from Wired, is “in constant contact with other connected toasters like him — and thus keenly aware of how much action they’re getting.” If Brad isn’t getting the socially determined level of love he deserves, he throws a tantrum of sorts, wiggling his toasterly appendages until you cave and throw a bagel inside his heated back slots or simply pat him on the head like a golden retriever (which of course he is not).

If you’re too neglectful, Brad will run away by thumbing down a network of buyers to come and pick him up. What Brad does with the money he makes from the transaction, I’ll never know. I’ll also never know why society has decided to imbue appliances with all the least attractive qualities of humans, but what I’m sure of is that this slice-crisping attention whore can get bent if he thinks I’m chasing him out the door.

I don’t have time to address the wants and needs of my girlfriend and family, much less the hardware in my kitchen.