Love is tough, and trying to deal with it during a holiday as weird and commercial as Valentine’s Day is even harder. Luckily, help is available. Soul musicians spend most of their time singing about love and loss, and as a result there is a soul song that applies to virtually any situation that you could possibly find yourself in on Feb. 14. Here’s a few of the possible Valentine’s Day scenarios with some great soul B-sides for you to use as a guide to navigating love’s treacherous waters.
| 1. | For when you can only express your love in a series of forced metaphors |
Expressing your feelings is hard, especially to the person you love. Luckily, Little Milton took the time to record a series of comparisons that you can pull out of a holster in case words fail you. The fact that they’re borderline incomprehensible isn’t really important.
| 2. | For when Facebook stalking your date leads to some uncomfortable revelations |
It’s a classic story. What starts as an innocent Facebook session takes a turn for the worse when a photo album called “Cancún 2012” reveals he knows your best friend Samantha better than you thought he did. So take a page out of Queenie’s playbook and show him you’re not going to take any of his shit.
| 3. | For when your date dodges your questions about what really happened in Cancún last year |
Love doesn’t have a particularly high burden of proof. And sometimes you don’t even have to prove anyone’s guilt. After all, why would he refuse to talk if he didn’t have something to hide? Either that or you’re crazy.
| 4. | For when you and your date want a little alone time |
Dates at fancy restaurants are great, but sometimes all you want to do is cuddle up someplace quiet and spend some quality time alone with your significant other. Sam & Dave would totally agree. So if it’s too cold out on Friday, cancel the Uber and stay in.
| 5. | For when you need to take a look at your life and reassess |
If you find yourself in a situation where your Valentine’s day date ditches you for someone else — like, say, a wife or husband — you have a couple of choices. The Soul Children would say save your scorn for his other mistress, but that is really not a situation that I can in good conscious endorse.
| 6. | For when you just feel like dancing |
This is probably the nastiest groove ever recorded. ‘nuff said.