I have a few casting suggestions for Fox as it develops its Boston Marathon bombing miniseries, which, in between commercial breaks and promos for “Family Guy” and “New Girl,” is sure to provide new and illuminative insight on a week we’ve all no doubt long forgotten.
The set will be in the real landscapes of Boston, Cambridge and Watertown. Director Rod Lurie will ask if he can put his director chair in your yard and say, “Hey, can I put these army guys on top of your shed? We’re filming the manhunt scene today.” Shooting on location is much more authentic.
The many journalists that bungled coverage of the week’s events by falsely identifying suspects, tacking numbers to the total body count, or reporting more explosive devices than were actually present, are to be played by the real life journalists who reported such misinformation. This will surely earn them a little blue check mark next to their Twitter handles, which is all that matters anyway.
Mayor Tom Menino is to be played by Michael Caine, who, if memory serves, used a cane in the Batman movies. Mayor Tom Menino uses a cane sometimes too. Michael Caine is also British and therefore hard to understand, like Mayor Tom Menino. He’ll nail the part when he rises from his wheelchair, days removed from surgery on his leg, to address a crowd of 2,000 at an interfaith prayer service.
The 2013 Boston Red Sox is to be played by a Morgan Freeman voiceover. The 2013 Boston Red Sox was an underdog team, going from worst to first on the way to a World Series win at Fenway Park. Like any good voiceover, the Red Sox will provide solace when the plot gets confusing.
Boston Police Commissioner Ed Davis is to be played by an orchestra helmed by Hans Zimmer, rolling in like thunder when the time is right or washing gently overall like soft waves of reassurance. He’ll crescendo and stop abruptly to give way to the sounds of a city locking its doors in unison.
The audience is to be played by the people outraged over the show’s very existence, the people who boycotted Rolling Stone for giving its cover away to the alleged monster at the center of the story. The audience will tune in, Thursdays at 9 or whatever, and say, “Wow, remember that? I’d almost forgotten.”
