Some lucky Red Sox fans may be headed out to St. Louis for the weekend to watch the boys (most likely) sweep The Cardinals on enemy turf just like they did in 2004. If you happen to be wondering what the hell you’re going to do in the great state of Missouri (yes, it’s in Missouri) in between games, well, staying in your hotel room looks like a solid option. OK, the city that brought us one really good Nelly album (seriously, “Country Grammar” was such a gem) is known for more than just a really big arch and Mark McGwire’s positive influence on young athletes. We’re serving up a heaping helping of midwestern fun with this totally unironic guide to can’t-miss entertainment in the Lou.

1. Kimmswick Apple Butter Festival
There’s nothing more rad than a heaping dollop of apple butter. But just because it has apples, it doesn’t mean this butter is healthy for you. WebMD ranked Missouri the 10th most obese state in the US. Massachusetts? No. 40, yo!

2. World Chess Hall of Fame
Go relive your favorite chess moments in the house that Reuben Fine built. Legends like Leonid Shamkovich, Fred Reinfield, and all the other champs you admired growing up are getting the recognition they deserve in St. Louis.

3. Harry’s Big Adventure featuring Harry the Chinese Praying Mantis
How lucky are we that this Terminix -sponsored multisensory bug experience will be at the St. Louis Science Center upon our arrival? The exhibit just started, too, so you can be one of the cool people to see it before it becomes lame.

4. The Eagles at Scottrade Center
If you happen to beat the traffic down to Missouri and arrive by Thursday evening, every middle-aged person’s favorite band is making a stop along its “History of The Eagles Tour.” If you play your cards right, maybe you could even party backstage with Glenn Frey.

5. Meet the Builders of the Gateway Arch
They must have known that we were coming. Like, for real. The Arch, which has overshadowed, literally and figuratively, everything St. Louis has done ever, is turning 48 on Monday. If you happen to be staying longer than the weekend, make sure you’re there, as the original builders will be on site for a meet-and-greet and autograph signing (that’s mantlepiece-worthy).

6. Rings & Things Bead Show
Nothing goes hand in hand with championship baseball like artisanal beads. The traveling show hits the St. Louis Marriott on Oct. 29. Make a necklace or bracelet out of these precious pieces and you’ll never forget all the magical memories you made in St. Louis!