Yo momma. She’s fat. She’s stupid. She’s ugly. She’s old. She’s a tad promiscuous, if we’re being honest.
Though it’s Mother’s day, which means you should laud your birthgiver with flowers and other physical embodiments of your eternal affection (and you should do all that, definitely), here at BDCwire, we’re not into the sappy stuff. No, we guard our hearts behind leaden layers of sarcasm. And distaste. Plenty of distaste.
So, when this joyous day of maternal affirmation rolls through Boston, we can’t help but be tempted to ruin it. For everyone. In the whole city. However, in the spirit of the short-lived, Wilmer Valderrama-helmed MTV show “Yo Momma,” we decided to go straight for the throat by keeping these insults as local – and, thus, close to the heart – as possible.
You mad? Clap back in the comments.
| 1. |
Yo momma is like the admissions department at Harvard, she stopped trying a long time ago |
| 2. |
Yo momma is like a Hubway pass, your dad only rode once, but he’s still paying for it |
| 3. |
Yo momma is so fat, I took her to Fenway for a Sox game, and they put her in to pitch the seventh because they thought she was Rich Garces |
| 4. |
Yo momma is so bow-legged, she could straddle a duck boat |
| 5. |
Yo momma is like the Montreal Canadiens, she hasn’t invited me over for a drink in 20 years because she has no Cups |
| 6. |
Yo momma is so greasy and pimpled, Wentworth gave her an honorary degree |
| 7. |
Yo momma is so ratchet, I took her to Shake Shack, and she started twerking on the fry chef |
| 8. |
Yo momma is such a hoarder, the rats in her Allston apartment called the exterminator on themselves |
| 9. |
Yo momma’s teeth are so crooked, the Big Dig couldn’t straighten them out |
| 10. |
Yo momma is such a townie, she has a Sox jersey signed by the cast of “Southie Rules” |
| 11. |
Yo momma is like student loans and affordable housing, no one important in Boston cares about her |
| 12. |
Yo momma is like Newbury Street, she’s full of Botox and too expensive to spend more than an hour with |
| 13. |
Yo momma is like Wegmans, she sounds exciting in theory, but she has too many lines and isn’t as healthy as you thought she’d be |
| 14. |
Yo momma is so ugly, she was the inspiration for the City Hall building |
| 15. |
Yo momma is like Dane Cook, obnoxious, played out, and the star of some movies that only your dad thinks are cool |
| 16. |
Yo momma’s body odor is like Six Flags, it makes kids so dizzy that they puke all over their friends |
| 17. |
Yo momma is like Will Middlebrooks, she’s probably not the person you want to see when you’re loaded up and trying to get home |
| 18. |
Yo momma’s house is like Revere Beach, run-down, covered in trash, and full of people who don’t wanna be there |
| 19. |
Yo momma is like Rajon Rondo – PASS |
| 20. |
Mayor Menino called yo momma “Yo-Yo Ma” |
